I'm John Lawrie, a Clarity Coach based in Los Angeles.
I spent 25 years in a career not aligned with my heart. I lived almost entirely in my head. Calm, analytical, consistent, and almost completely cut off from my emotional life without knowing it. I thought that was just who I was.
Then in 2019 I discovered I have aphantasia. My mind's eye is blind. I cannot visualize anything. Shortly after, I discovered I also have SDAM, which means I have severely impaired long-term memory. Most of my past is gone. I can't relive experiences. I can't picture the faces of people I love.
These discoveries shook me. But the real crack came in February 2022, the day after a kinbaku session with a trusted friend. She sent me one of her writings, something so honest and beautiful that it broke an emotional logjam I didn't even know was there. I broke down completely. For weeks afterward I was drowning in emotions I had never felt before, with no tools to handle them. My analytical mind, the one I had relied on for everything, was exactly the wrong instrument.
The journey that followed was about learning to process those emotions. To sit with them instead of thinking around them. To understand what I was actually feeling in my body versus the stories my mind was building on top of those feelings.
The tools I developed to process my own emotions also changed how I saw other people. Once I stopped assuming my inner world was everyone's inner world, everything shifted.
What the awakening also gave me was something I hadn't had before: a clear sense of what I was here to do. To help people. To spread understanding. Heart Mind Fusion is what that looks like in practice.
The tools I developed to heal my own inner world turned out to be the same tools that let me help others. What I learned about my own lens is what lets me see yours. What I had to master in myself is what I now bring to a session.
I'm not a therapist and I don't have formal credentials. My authority comes from having lived this. In conversation, people often tell me things they say they've never told anyone else. And I regularly make observations that stop people cold, the kind where something they couldn't name suddenly has a name.